Who doesn’t want something for nothing, especially if that nothing means I don’t have to pay for it myself? (More on that below.) And who’s to say that at age 62, I’m too old to go back to school, expand my knowledge and skills set, and better my income and life situation? (I may be getting old and senile, but that doesn’t necessarily make me stupid.)

And it gets even better because Sanders’ and his fellow Dems’ plans for free college also includes tuition-free technical training, so I can also study to be a plumber, a butcher, and I think cowboy might also be eligible. They haven’t released all of the details yet but I’m crossing my fingers because, at the moment, I have my heart set on cowboy. I’m pretty sure they’ve already included musical training like writing Hip-Hop, but no thanks.

I googled the Democrats’ plans for details on my free education, but most of the information I found focused on their student debt forgiveness for those already attending college, or those already graduated, or those already dropped out. It appears that their main focus is getting votes from those who don’t want to pay their bills, and not necessarily on those who actually want to get to work and study.

Be that as it may, what did I find?

Well, no details on the required high school performance and grades for qualifying. No details on qualifying areas of study (that’s why I keep hoping for that cowboy inclusion), and no details on age restrictions. Which means, according to all of their plans, even an old fart like me can get in! After all, do the Dems condone age discrimination!?

All of this, including the student debt forgiveness part (just a trillion plus bucks they estimate), is supposed to be paid for through a “wealth” tax, Bernie’s plan, in particular, referred to as a Wall Street tax. In other words, Bernie looks at Wall Street and only sees the evil rich; he doesn’t see the savings and investments of millions of regular Americans working their asses off at regular jobs, not to mention their pension funds, as if he doesn’t have a clue about how Wall Street actually works.

Seriously, what is this guy talking about? Hasn’t he learned anything from the error of his ways after his despicable support for the Socialist regimes of Venezuela and elsewhere? What does he think Wall Street actually is and does!?

His free higher education plan would be optional for the states, which as we all know, means it eventually won’t be optional. According to him, the Feds will contribute two-for-one dollars of State costs to pay for this free education, but it will not include paying for fancy football stadiums. Taking one look at Bernie and knowing his biography, you can understand why he has a problem with sports and school spirit.

His plan also places a special emphasis on tribal schools, Native American tribes who already receive unimaginable income through their casinos, unimaginable welfare assistance, and have achieved unimaginably nothing with all of that to better their peoples. Plus, what Tribal schools!? No details on building new ones, and no details on those few that are maybe out there.

I’m a long-time registered Republican, but there’s still time for me to switch to Democrat for the primaries, because I want Bernie to come out on top, at least in the primaries.

And as a typical Democrat, I won’t care about those Native Americans, or about those regressive taxes on Wall Street. I just care about me, me, me… and my free cowboy education. And as Bruce Willis would say, “Yippee Kai Yay, Mother F****R!”

I just hope that my Depends will fit under my jeans and chaps

Editor’s note: I want to retrain as an astronaut. Is this paid for? Readers, please tell us what training you think Bernie’s plan should pay for in the comments below.